I still remember Golnaz, a girl who came into my second grade class as a new student and left within just a few weeks because the school that she was actually zoned for opened up a space for her. She spread rumors about me to the kids in my class so that they wouldn't want to play with me. And then she was gone as soon as the damage had been done. Almost 20 years laters, I still remember her vividly.
And it hurt.
I would cry to my mom or my grandma and they would tell me the classic mom and grandma responses of "they're just jealous of you: they wish that they could be as pretty as you or as smart as you" or "I would be your friend." You kind of stop believing it after a while. In fact you eventually believe the opposite because it's the only thing that makes the reactions of the other kids make sense.
You come to a point in your childhood where you feel like you can't wait to be an adult because then you won't have to deal with those kinds of things anymore. And then you get to be an adult and you realize that it never really will change.
When I was about five, my favorite show was Star Search and I would play it regularly in my room. Ed MacMahon (Me) would announce the challenger (Me) and then the champion (Me) and mysteriously, I always won :-). But I realize now as I look back at that show and those that have come along since (the American Idol types) that we have been groomed for the popularity contest of life from the beginning. It's like a caste system that we all willing fall prey to.
When you're the one who's left out, it's hard to feel like it's ever something wrong with everyone else. Especially when it's been happening to you for 23 years.
All we really want is acceptance, love, respect... it seems so simple. In theory.
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