I have several childhood memories of Azusa Pacific University. I remember walking around the campus with my parents, being there for church events, going with my dad to register for classes... and I decided from a young age that I was going to go to college there someday. And I would have... except that we moved to Vegas when I was 10.
I still applied to APU and I got in. I even got a scholarship. But it just didn't feel right. I knew it wasn't where I was supposed to be. I always wondered, though, what would have happened if we hadn't moved. If I had gone to High School in California... If...
When I was contemplating colleges, preparing to send off applications I had three main front runners: APU, Dallas Baptist University, and CCU. When I finally sent off applications senior year I cut out DBU entirely. Come to find out that up until Senior year of high school, Aaron was planning on going to DBU -- and after he moved to Colorado, he changed his mind.
That leads me to wonder, is there anything that we can change enough that the entire course of our lives will be changed?
Aaron and I both decided not to go to DBU at practically the same time, coincidence? Sure. Would we have met there? Maybe. And I think the timing for when we did meet was perfect -- still, I can't help but wonder.
I've always kind of struggled with the idea of free-will. But I've also always kind of struggled with the idea of pre-destination. I believe in living life according to God's Will -- but I wonder sometimes how the credit should be divided. How much are we truly responsible for our own fate?
You could say that we aren't. But then what about the drug addict who has so altered their state of being by the choices they have made that they cannot function normally? Was it God's will for them to put the needle in their arm that first time?
I think as humans that we can never get away from the what ifs. I think that even as Christians we're left with a what if. What if I hadn't chosen Jesus for my life. What then?
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